Step-Motherly Woes

J's three older boys are down for a visit. They have no manners, don't eat properly, don't pay attention to anything and don't seem to care about anything. Well, J likes to tell me that I am the step-mom, so I have to make and enforce all the rules. I made up lists and put them around the house with the rules stated clearly. J made sure to tell the kids that these are my rules, not the house rules. These are not super strict rules, by any means. I don't see a common courtesy of putting the toilet seat down something that will make them all require therapy when they are older. However, the rules are ignored and J ignores the broken rules because the evil step-mother made them up. J makes me out to be the bad guy and tells me I should enforce the rules that he had no part in (even though he did). To this I say, why should I? If the parents don't want to teach them anything like how to eat healthy, how to take care of themselves and about having courtesy and manners, why should it be my responsibility? At this point, I'm thinking that I will also take the "I don't care" approach. If they want to be lazy, fat and ill-mannered, it really doesn't effect me. My son is going to be taught things by me (and probably only me, judging by how much J cares). Why? Because I want to maximize his potential at success in life. I don't want him to have to rely on anyone else. He will be well-mannered, well-equipped and encouraged to strive for the best person he can be. I guess my step-sons' parents won't care until they run into trouble later down the road. I don't think J should expect us to take them in when they are grown and should be able to take care of themselves. I signed up to be a step-mom. I didn't sign up to be a mother, father, grandparent and every other mentor these children should have in their lives but don't. I will not baby these children now or way into their adulthood. If J thinks I should, I guess he should make sure the door doesn't hit him in the arse on the way out.

I would like to add that I feel bad about venting about them. I think they are good kids.. I really do.. but they are not guided into being self-reliant people.. They are stuck at baby-level because they are babied. Anything they have learned has been from school, I am sure. J swears he was the disciplinarian.. but I have serious doubts. I mean, come on.. I learned how to tie my shoes when I was 3-4.. You should have witnessed the shock when we went bowling the first time and they all said they didn't know how to tie their shoes. They were all sitting there waiting for us to tie their shoes!! My jaw dropped. These kids are going to have to be in group homes, on welfare, in section 8 housing because there is no way they are going to be successful in life. It's so sad. It kills me.. but I am only 1 person. I can only do so much and when I have parents and grandparents working against me, I feel like it's a lost-cause. :(