Better Yesterday, Better Today, Better Tomorrow...

I realized something yesterday morning. My vent really wasn't about the kids, but the parents. I really hate feeling aggravated with the kids, so I decided, I don't have to be. I will just be mad at the parents who made them that way. They don't know any better because they were never taught. Once I realized that, I was once again at peace and could let things roll off my back. I told J that I would just be mad at him and his ex, instead of the kids. Since then, we have been having a much better time together. Today is another fun-filled, busy day. We are going to go to a lighthouse since the kids have never been, then off to a fund-raiser for autism and finally BayFest. I gotta go get ready for the day so Adios!

Step-Motherly Woes

J's three older boys are down for a visit. They have no manners, don't eat properly, don't pay attention to anything and don't seem to care about anything. Well, J likes to tell me that I am the step-mom, so I have to make and enforce all the rules. I made up lists and put them around the house with the rules stated clearly. J made sure to tell the kids that these are my rules, not the house rules. These are not super strict rules, by any means. I don't see a common courtesy of putting the toilet seat down something that will make them all require therapy when they are older. However, the rules are ignored and J ignores the broken rules because the evil step-mother made them up. J makes me out to be the bad guy and tells me I should enforce the rules that he had no part in (even though he did). To this I say, why should I? If the parents don't want to teach them anything like how to eat healthy, how to take care of themselves and about having courtesy and manners, why should it be my responsibility? At this point, I'm thinking that I will also take the "I don't care" approach. If they want to be lazy, fat and ill-mannered, it really doesn't effect me. My son is going to be taught things by me (and probably only me, judging by how much J cares). Why? Because I want to maximize his potential at success in life. I don't want him to have to rely on anyone else. He will be well-mannered, well-equipped and encouraged to strive for the best person he can be. I guess my step-sons' parents won't care until they run into trouble later down the road. I don't think J should expect us to take them in when they are grown and should be able to take care of themselves. I signed up to be a step-mom. I didn't sign up to be a mother, father, grandparent and every other mentor these children should have in their lives but don't. I will not baby these children now or way into their adulthood. If J thinks I should, I guess he should make sure the door doesn't hit him in the arse on the way out.

I would like to add that I feel bad about venting about them. I think they are good kids.. I really do.. but they are not guided into being self-reliant people.. They are stuck at baby-level because they are babied. Anything they have learned has been from school, I am sure. J swears he was the disciplinarian.. but I have serious doubts. I mean, come on.. I learned how to tie my shoes when I was 3-4.. You should have witnessed the shock when we went bowling the first time and they all said they didn't know how to tie their shoes. They were all sitting there waiting for us to tie their shoes!! My jaw dropped. These kids are going to have to be in group homes, on welfare, in section 8 housing because there is no way they are going to be successful in life. It's so sad. It kills me.. but I am only 1 person. I can only do so much and when I have parents and grandparents working against me, I feel like it's a lost-cause. :(

Spontaneity and Touching/Cuddling

I was thinking about last night. I know that a lot of autistic people don't like to be touched or hugged. J LOVES when his back is scratched. However, cuddling is a different story. I was laying down with the baby and thinking how nice it would be for J to just come up and spoon me. He came up to bed and got in his usual spot. He might like being touched (or at least scratched), but he has no patience for cuddling. He can't do it unless it is on his own terms. This may leave the NT spouse feeling a bit lonely and deprived of spontaneous intimacy. It is hard to feel like this, but I know it is not because J doesn't love me or anything. He is loving in his own way... even if it is by blaming me for something that was totally his fault! LOL It adds a bit of humor to our relationship. Aspies exhibit highly different traits and it can boggle the best of minds. I prefer my Aspies to be different because there is no one exactly like they are. While we might miss out on certain aspects in "normal" friendships or relationships, I think what the Aspie brings to the table is a new perspective on life and a new way of being. It's very interesting. While I may want to be cuddled out of the blue and not have to say, "Cuddle with me," I wouldn't trade J for anyone else in the world, as I wouldn't trade my Aspie friends for anyone else. They are all amazing. =]

Things Are Looking Up

I guess my last blog put some things into perspective for J. He has since started spending more time with me and Jareth. We have gone on a few family dates and finally celebrated his birthday. I took him to the drive-in to see Clash of the Titans. We had his favorite cake -- Carvel Ice Cream Cake. We still have our disagreements, but we are getting back on the right track. I can't excuse myself entirely for our troubles, as J brings out the temper in me.. I can't help it. I am, after all, an Italian (even if it is by marriage only LOL). I will work on having more patience, and J will work on spending more time with me.

It's Been A While

So.. it's been a while. Things haven't exactly been peachy.. J went off his medicine and didn't tell me that he was out until it was much too late. Every time he does something like this, it puts another wedge between us. Last night, we had a talk about things. He wonders why I have distanced myself from him. He doesn't see it the way I do. After he stopped going to the doctor (or well.. nurse practitioner who was a complete bitch), he went into a coma and would only focus on his computer. I had to IM him from the same room to talk to him. Even then, he would barely talk to me. At cons, he woke up but I was again, not on his list of priorities. He didn't even notice I wasn't at a con for an entire day. He will ignore the need to eat, pee or shower just to focus on the internet. When I get him to hold the baby, he will snap out of his focus and all of the sudden have to run to do all of the things he ignored while staring at the computer screen.

He probably doesn't understand why I told him that I don't feel like I'm in a relationship with him. I have become bitter, bitchy and neglect myself. It's depressing to live with someone like this. I made him go into the other bedroom. I want my room to myself for a while. I can't just pretend that things are great and that we are in a marriage because it doesn't feel like that to me. Don't get me wrong, I love him. He just needs to stop acting like I am the faulty one here. He needs to stop putting me down and being negative. It brings me down too and that is not healthy. I feel like I can't live without him but if we live together like this much longer, it is going to end and end badly.. =(