Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Alone
Well, the backlash has happened, but it has not been full-force yet. I get a couple texts about my previous blog that I cross-posted on facebook and someone on my friend's list told one of the people about the blog because she is friends with her. So, I had to prune my friend's list. I have to wonder if she was read the entire blog or just the part about her because her problem was that I mentioned her. I told her that it was actually examples of what people who live with Aspies go through. It is meant to make people feel like they are not alone. We are not alone, but sometimes it sure does feel like it.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Acceptance
I would like you all to know that J and I are not married just yet. We are having some resistance from my family though because J can't get a job for the social issues with his Asperger Syndrome and back issues as well as being denied disability. This is what I have to say about it.
It was nearing Halloween 2006. I wanted an awesome costume. It was between Arwen from Lord of the Rings and Slave Leia from Star Wars. I ultimately chose Slave Leia. This led me to meet J and many other geek costumers on MySpace. By May 2007, I had my ticket to go to my first convention. It was pretty awesome but it wasn't until later that summer when we went to Wizard World Philly. Here I met the amazing people from Garrison Carida and I finally felt that I met "my" people. This is a big thing since I had always kind of been a loner throughout my years in school.
Fast forward to being in the costuming/conventioning thing for a while... we were invited to be at the opening of the Star Wars exhibit at the Franklin Institute in Philadelphia. Not only that, but we were to perform in front of everyone. It ranks as probably one of the best times of my life. The only thing -- my family was not there. My brother, Chad, came to see us on the morning of our big performance. I invited my sister-in-law (SIL) to bring the kids because I was really excited and finally, finally, they could see me in my element and meet a bunch of my fellow costuming friends. However, while in Philly, I texted my SIL to ask her if she was going to come and I got a response that said no, her friend was taking her out for her birthday. I thought to myself, she could easily come and then go with her friend or change the day that her friend took her out, being that my performance date was not her actual birthday. Feeling disappointed at that point would be an understatement.
Like I said, my brother Chad did show up to watch the performance and to check out the exhibit. He got a call or text from my other brother Roy whom I thought was at work since it wasn't a regular day off for him. He was in Philly going to a Flyers game with my dad. I wondered why they were in the same city yet couldn't drop by to see me. Again, that was just another thing that I found hurtful.
Now, a couple years later, J and I have a 4 month old and are planning to get married August 15th. I told my family and they did nothing less than FREAK OUT. I don't understand their logic when they say that we shouldn't get married. Is having a child with someone not a bigger commitment than signing a little piece of paper?
What I find most hurtful about them not accepting J is that it is like they aren't accepting a part of me. They won't accept the costuming geek inside of me that has been wanting to come out for all my life. It was a piece of me that I never knew I had, but I finally found it and found myself. They constantly make fun of J for being a "jedi" and my mom is always telling my nieces and nephew that "jedi" aren't real. I guess what they don't realize is that whenever they make fun of J or say something negative about him costuming, they are also doing that to me. I had my first professional-quality costume before I met J. It just so happened that it brought me to meet him.
Another reason I wish they would accept him (and me) is that I have a son with him. I am making a family and a life with J no matter what. When I was younger, I was very close to my grandmom. She died when I was young, but I made a promise to myself that I would be as awesome as she was to me to my own family. My greatest dream has been to be a mother, to be happy and to find someone who would treat me like gold since my grandmom was always surrounded by mean, abusive people. J has helped me fulfill all of those things, yet I still meet resistance from my family.
So, my message to them is simply: While we may not always have the best of things, J, Jareth and I will always have each other and be happy. Jareth will grow up in a loving home with two great parents. I am living my life to be happy and to fulfill the legacy that my grandmom set forth. That is the path I have chosen. If you can't accept that and can't accept J then you can't accept me.
It was nearing Halloween 2006. I wanted an awesome costume. It was between Arwen from Lord of the Rings and Slave Leia from Star Wars. I ultimately chose Slave Leia. This led me to meet J and many other geek costumers on MySpace. By May 2007, I had my ticket to go to my first convention. It was pretty awesome but it wasn't until later that summer when we went to Wizard World Philly. Here I met the amazing people from Garrison Carida and I finally felt that I met "my" people. This is a big thing since I had always kind of been a loner throughout my years in school.
Fast forward to being in the costuming/conventioning thing for a while... we were invited to be at the opening of the Star Wars exhibit at the Franklin Institute in Philadelphia. Not only that, but we were to perform in front of everyone. It ranks as probably one of the best times of my life. The only thing -- my family was not there. My brother, Chad, came to see us on the morning of our big performance. I invited my sister-in-law (SIL) to bring the kids because I was really excited and finally, finally, they could see me in my element and meet a bunch of my fellow costuming friends. However, while in Philly, I texted my SIL to ask her if she was going to come and I got a response that said no, her friend was taking her out for her birthday. I thought to myself, she could easily come and then go with her friend or change the day that her friend took her out, being that my performance date was not her actual birthday. Feeling disappointed at that point would be an understatement.
Like I said, my brother Chad did show up to watch the performance and to check out the exhibit. He got a call or text from my other brother Roy whom I thought was at work since it wasn't a regular day off for him. He was in Philly going to a Flyers game with my dad. I wondered why they were in the same city yet couldn't drop by to see me. Again, that was just another thing that I found hurtful.
Now, a couple years later, J and I have a 4 month old and are planning to get married August 15th. I told my family and they did nothing less than FREAK OUT. I don't understand their logic when they say that we shouldn't get married. Is having a child with someone not a bigger commitment than signing a little piece of paper?
What I find most hurtful about them not accepting J is that it is like they aren't accepting a part of me. They won't accept the costuming geek inside of me that has been wanting to come out for all my life. It was a piece of me that I never knew I had, but I finally found it and found myself. They constantly make fun of J for being a "jedi" and my mom is always telling my nieces and nephew that "jedi" aren't real. I guess what they don't realize is that whenever they make fun of J or say something negative about him costuming, they are also doing that to me. I had my first professional-quality costume before I met J. It just so happened that it brought me to meet him.
Another reason I wish they would accept him (and me) is that I have a son with him. I am making a family and a life with J no matter what. When I was younger, I was very close to my grandmom. She died when I was young, but I made a promise to myself that I would be as awesome as she was to me to my own family. My greatest dream has been to be a mother, to be happy and to find someone who would treat me like gold since my grandmom was always surrounded by mean, abusive people. J has helped me fulfill all of those things, yet I still meet resistance from my family.
So, my message to them is simply: While we may not always have the best of things, J, Jareth and I will always have each other and be happy. Jareth will grow up in a loving home with two great parents. I am living my life to be happy and to fulfill the legacy that my grandmom set forth. That is the path I have chosen. If you can't accept that and can't accept J then you can't accept me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
