Surrounded By Idiots

I thought about something today. An Aspie needs a good support system. He/she needs a person or people to encourage them to pursue whatever he or she wants to pursue. Earlier today, I was discussing J's AS on a forum. It occurred to me that J had a career he wanted to pursue in fashion design. However, his "mom" talked him out of it. Now, he sews costumes. I can't help but wonder if he would be successful in a career of being a fashion (or costume) designer had he been encouraged (and not discouraged) to go after his dream. Now, we will never know. I only wish he had someone with half a brain (or heart for that matter!) for a mother instead of what he wound up with. Then maybe instead of blaming J for not having a career, she would be proud of what he accomplished. At least J is no longer surrounded by idiots and has a real support system now in me and our friends.

We want to go to the zoo!

Who knows what today will bring? I asked Jareth (6 months) if he wanted to go to the zoo and he got all excited and screamed. He doesn't know what the zoo means but he wants to go! LOL... the problem is trying to get J out of the house to go to the zoo. I understand he hates to leave the house but this is one of those things he has to work on. The world does not revolve around J. A parent's world revolves around the child(ren).

Inspiring Outlook

I must say, I really needed to hear something like this..

On facebook,

Vin Diesel

Ten years ago I was a bouncer, a security guard at a nightclub. I can remember articles in New York at the time, boasting that the nightclub was the safest place to be… if only subways, streets, and restaurants had that level of security and protecti...on, that assurance that you could enjoy yourself without worrying about your safety. New York was different then.

“Who you are now, is not who you will be 10 yrs from now… who you will be 10 yrs from now... is up to YOU.”

Thanks, Vin! You have lifted my spirits!

The Uphill Battle with AS, Money and Inadequacy.

My optimism is wavering. I have been trying for months to get a decent job. In this economy, I know that my family is not the only one struggling. However, it does nothing for my confidence. I apply at places that have training programs for college graduates only to get emails saying I did not qualify. Oh, okay. That makes sense. Right. But, anyway, I can't help but feel inadequate. I am supposed to be the bread winner for my family but I can't make any money if no one hires me. I have started to think that going back to school to finish my degree was the wrong move. I truly hope not. All I can think is that if I never went back to school, I'd still be working a low-paying hourly job, but I'd still have money coming in. I know that even if I can find a decent job, I will need to get J back into the doctor's office and make them become advocates for us to get him on disability. I just can't believe that they were the only ones around here that could help and they turned us away last time.

Feeling Like A Single Mom

In many ways, I feel like a single mom. I have 2 kids to take care of (my husband and my son). It is going to be extremely hard with only 1 income, but I am hoping to go back to the doctor and go through a more extensive process of getting J diagnosed with AS. Then, we will be applying for disability once again. I can't do this alone, and the government should not make it so someone who probably has low-functioning Asperger's Syndrome cannot get assistance. It is absolutely ridiculous.

You Call Yourself a Mother?!

I don't know how some people can call themselves mothers. *trying to calm down* Yesterday, J gets an email from this.. "mother" of his.. and it says that J blames the family for everything (what?) and he should make amends.. first the eff of all, HE has done NOTHING wrong.. They alienated him because he has a SOCIAL DISORDER! So, he should apologize for that? Second of all, we were supposed to meet and talk about these problems to put it all behind us and the person with the big problem.. the "mother"'s husband refuses to meet with J. So it is the husband with the problem.

When his Auntie Marie died, we drove up to the funeral.. not just that, I had class the day before the funeral so we drove ALL NIGHT without sleeping to get to RI for the funeral. We went in. Those cold-hearted people that the "mother" likes to call a family didn't even do that. The funeral parlor had it set up for a viewing but they didn't care enough to have a ceremony for her. Basically, they just met up and brought her to the plot.

Then, we really needed to get some sleep. The only person who even gave a crap was J's ex-wife!! She told J that he can't just drive back without sleeping somewhere and I could hear in her voice she was debating letting us sleep at her house but she couldn't do it... I have more respect for her than I ever will have for that "mother". But, yeah, J has the problem? Screw you!

Being Pulled Apart

I am between a rock and a hard place. I feel like I am being pulled two opposite ways. On one hand, I know how important it is for J to be near his boys. On the other hand, I need to be able to support my son Jareth and myself (and J). Since there are NO jobs in Rhode Island (believe me, I probably applied for all that was up there), I feel like I need to move to where the jobs are. I feel so terrible because this means going the opposite way to the way we should be moving. I am really trying to do the best for my family overall, that includes my step-sons. However, I just don't see moving to Rhode Island as a possibility at this point in time. It is a very depressing thought and I am tearing myself up over it. It almost feels like I am putting Jareth first, over everyone. In a way, I am. But, I know that my step-sons are well cared for and have their needs met, at least financially, where they are. They need their father though and unless J and I have a temporary long-distance relationship, I don't see how we are going to make this work. What's worse is that J can't just go out and work with his Asperger Syndrome. His social anxiety makes it very difficult.. not that there would be a job for him anyway. The problem is that he was denied disability even though he is disabled. It's freaking crap! =(